so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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