First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
