Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
