ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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