We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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