what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
