the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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