Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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