i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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