Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
