6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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