Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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