Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
