I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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