had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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