im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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