Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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