That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
