Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
