its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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