You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I smell stomach acid.
I look better un-naked...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
