Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
