the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
