Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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