My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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