i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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