you turned your livingroom into a bong?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
