help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize