what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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