Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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