He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
