you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
