No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize