We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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