You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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