Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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