if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
