It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
