the condom got lost in my hair
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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