Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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