we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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