i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
