she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
