It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
