Nicole vs. Life
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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