Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize