i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
