Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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