I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
