So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
