sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
