i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
then he tried to convert me to islam
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
