i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize