You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
