Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
