He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you win again, gameday.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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