Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
