why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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