Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
