Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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