I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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