How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
