Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
