I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
