dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize