I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Vodka?
Forever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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